League of Fat Bastards

Mastering the Delicate Art of Keeping Your Wife Happy: Because a Happy Wife is a Happy Life!

September 26, 2023

People say that a happy wife means a happy life … and boy let me tell you ain’t that the truth! In this blog, we’re dishing out some practical tips for our bros to ensure (well nothings a given) a happy life for all our Fat Bastards. Buckle up, boys, because it’s time to learn the art of keeping your queen happy!

1. Learn the Art of Selective Listening

Yes, you read that right! Hone your skill of “selective listening” when your wife recounts the intricacies of her day. Remember some of the key words she uses , even reuse them in. a response….Tune in when she’s sharing her triumphs and dilemmas, and trust us, she’ll be amazed by your newfound interest in the “drama” that is her life.

2. Surprise Her with Random Acts of Chivalry – League of Fat Bastards Style

Simply do something nice- a surprise and delight . It could be as simple as making her morning coffee or leaving a sweet note in her bag (assuming you can write …..) send a morning voicemail telling her you love her ( before you meet up with boys), maybe even bring home some flowers, or a present of any sort for that matter – her eyes will light up … and trust us she wont complain you light up later enjoying your “ smelly” cigar !!

3. Channel Your Inner Chef (Or Order Like a Pro)

They say the way to a person’s heart is through their stomach. Whip up her favourite dish (even if it’s a scrambled egg). Show her you want to take the stress off her …. You see she is tired… its been a hard day ….and if you can’t cook, us Fat Bastards are wizzes at ordering online .. so there is no excuse!

4. Netflix and Cuddle, Anyone?

Binge-watching a TV series together is a modern form of intimacy ( you could get lucky if you play your cards right!!!). Snuggle up, throw in some popcorn, and embark on an adventure filled with plot twists, laughter, and maybe a few “I knew it!” moments. Suck it up even if you don’t like the Kardashians, or Match Maker… just sit there and shut up … time for a joyful cigar will come once she is wistfully off to sleep after spending a stupendous evening on the couch with you … unless she has other plans for you… you lucky Fat Bastard

5. Remember Important Dates (put them in your diary on annual repeat)

No, we’re not just talking about anniversaries and birthdays. Remembering the day you both first met or the day she made something special for you…or the day of her sister’s birthday ( that will really surprise her ).. and for god sake put it all in your diary on annual repeat with enough detail so you can’t stuff it up.

6. Encourage Her Inner Child

Life can get serious, so make it a point to encourage your wife’s inner child to come out and play. Surprise her with a spontaneous water balloon fight or challenge her to a video game duel. It’s a sure fire way at least keep you entertained for while ( and she might just enjoy it as well!)

In the grand symphony of relationships, the melody of a happy wife harmonizes beautifully with the rhythm of a joyful life for all Fat Bastards. By mastering the art of some of the ideas above, you will be well on your way to having a happy wife, who will then (hopefully) give you the time and space to enjoy your own things ( like cigaring with mates) …. And hey that’s got to make for a happier life …